Daisy List is the Greatest Bucket List Ever!

       “The Daisy List Blog”                                                 Post 1

 Hello my name is Diane (aka Diva Di)

This BLOG is about MY experience and MY Special Journey, MY cancer story, and how I’m living it!

The original intention of this BLOG was to keep all of my family and friends up to date and informed of my progress.  However it has now become a project, my story BEFORE and AFTER cancer and how to “KEEP IT MOVING”.

For those of you that don’t know me, I’d like to give you a little background on myself.

I come from a very large family, and I INSIST on telling EVERYONE what to do.  I ALWAYS have an opinion and I’m ALWAYS right.

My nicknames are Bossy pants, Fancy pants, Diva, Lady Di.  I’m sure there are others, but I don’t know what they are.  

Based on some very reliable sources, my profile is that I’m bossy, independent, pushy, very opinionated, tough on people, and always in charge.  I’m organized, a perfectionist, vain, high energy, aggressive on a personal level, but not competitive, and I’m project orientated.

I LOVE change, I love to try new things, I like to move around and constantly be on the go, and my favorite things are reading, decorating, fashion, travel, entertaining, ART, young people, little people, babies, and shopping, shopping, shopping.

I’ve had a long safe corporate career in the Telecommunications industry, mostly as a Supervisor or Manager and took an early retirement

However I’ve always had lofty DREAMS including numerous business endeavors I’ve pursued.

MY OLD DREAMS – Businesses I’ve started

1.   Zodiac jewelry – Glyph charms
2. Leading Edge –  Mentoring program
3. Trifles – Gift baskets
4. We Care – Skin care Franchise
5. Rodeo Drive on Main –  Boutique owner

MY NEW DREAMS

1. Casino Fever – Board Game
2. Day Dreams in Focus – Career & Life counseling
3. DAISY BLOG

Some people see my old DREAMS as failed businesses, I see them all as successful training for my new DREAMS.  Many of my businesses were about mentoring individuals on how to follow their bliss and pursue their Dreams.

For so long, I’ve been talking and encouraging everyone else about finding their Purpose and Passion in Life.  With all my “know it all knowing”, it took a bout with cancer to bring me some clear answers about my own Purpose and Passion.

Once I got cancer, I was convinced that I would have to give up my mentoring and Day Dreams in Focus program, until my daughter challenged me to live my own truth.  She said “Mom, you’ve been talking the talk now walk the walk.  Think positive and soldier on!  “GO FOR IT” she said!

MY personal “TSUNAMI” story

 By the end of 2014, I had just begun giving workshops at a Community College using a program and WEBSITE I developed called “Day Dreams in Focus” (DDIF).

Then without warning, and out of no where, I was hit with a personal TSUNAMI.  I was diagnosed with UTERINE CANCER.  It scared the bejeezes out of me.  When you first hear the word CANCER the brain comes to a complete STOP.

You can’t hear past that word even though everyone keeps talking, your brain is stuck on CANCER.
Before the word cancer                                     After the word cancer with a fog.

 You quickly recall each and EVERY person you’ve ever known or read about that has this wretched THING!  But then the brain keeps repeating ……..HOW did this happen?   How did this happen?   How DID this happen?

You roll back your mind, and you think, a few weeks ago, I was taking Kickboxing lessons, walking 3 to 5 miles a day, eating my fruits and veggies, no smoking, (never have), and very moderate drinking.  I felt great, I mean seriously GREAT, on top of the world.  I was getting ready to live my Dream.

But of course, that was my vision.  The Universe had other plans for Me.

But I kept repeating, HOW – HOW – HOW?

HOW did this happen?  HOW do you tell your family and friends?  HOW do you explain to your children what this means to their life?

Just thinking about telling my children was frightening.  It’s the only time I came really close to breaking down.  I wanted to cry for “them”.

I had to sit down quietly and give myself some time to think.  My brain, my mind, my thoughts, whatever, were all over the place like they had all been cross wired and short circuited.

Everything was racing through my head but at the same time my brain had STOPPED with the word CANCER.  Everyone keeps talking, but the brain can’t get past that word.

Funny thing was, I did hear someone in the back of my brain “screaming” in disbelief, but I couldn’t tell if it was me or an ancestral relative.  All I remember is…..“OMG, WOW, OMG, WOW, OMG, WOW!

A MOST PRECIOUS WORD

But, by the time I settled down and got home from the doctors office, I remembered a precious word that the doctor had said, she had said, it was the word TREATABLE.

OMG, I remembered the Doctor saying it was TREATABLE!  I remembered the word and I almost got Happy.  That day I fell in LOVE with that “most precious word in the world”

 TREATABLE! TREATABLE! TREATABLE!

I won’t go into the minutiae of all the things that happened after that but I will share some of the things that later made it bearable.

Fast forward past the dizzying days that followed, and every time I attempted to discuss the issue with family and friends it made me sad.  I think it was more about being nervous for them.

So I had to come up with some “POLLYANA positive” rules for myself and my family on how we were going to take this Journey

 POLLYANA RULE #1

My first rule was, please no big displays of fear and sadness. No loud crying and negative talk, at least not in front of me.  I didn’t want that constant cloud of fear and sadness over me 24 hours a day.  Let’s just do whatever was necessary and move on to the next POSITIVE step.

That one single rule was pivotal for me on my Journey and in the long run did the most for my morale. 

 Of course I did pray a lot.  No, I mean I prayed “A LOT.”  I prayed that I would not get paralyzed with fear or sadness.  I didn’t want to be afraid and I didn’t want to be sad.  But more than that, I certainly didn’t want my children or family to be full of fear and sadness.  I had to let them all know I was okay, and I wanted them to feel the same way.

Don’t get me wrong, I mean there were days I was out of my mind with fear, but I had to keep reminding myself to “let go and let GOD!”

For me another major help was repeating affirmations over and over again.  Many were scriptures right out of the Bible, or just inspirational words I had seen or heard.

I would repeat these words over and over, and they gave me so much comfort, words like: “with him all things are possible”, “my peace I give you”, etc.

 The TASMANIAN DEVIL

I have always hated the word CANCER, so I kept referring to my situation, as my “health issue.”  But then I decided I was going to give MY cancer a name.

I listed all of the most negative vicious creatures I could think of, and I came up with “The Tasmanian Devil.”  It’s an ugly son of a gun.  Whew!  PERFECT name.

But for the purposes of my BLOG, I’ve abbreviated the name to “TAZ”, that’s right spelled with a Z.

Prior to TAZ, while I was taking kickboxing, many of my friends and family were dealing with all sorts of issues.  I remember punching the bag and pretending it was the “Devil” and I would get all of my aggression out and talk to the bag and tell it to leave all of my family and friends alone.  It was so, so therapeutic.

At the time, I had no idea I should have been punching the hell out of that bag for my own “personal” situation….

 In the past, whenever I was confronted with a problem or issue, I’ve always tried to go the “furthest end point” of where a crisis might take me, and then walk my way back.  So that’s what I did prior to telling my family about TAZ.

I live in NJ, but most of my family is in Mass, so on my trip back home to tell them, I had a 5 hour ride, plenty of time to think.  On my ride to Mass I started to think about what was the worse thing that could happen?  What was the biggest fear?

I think we all know the worse thing is you lose the fight and die.  Then I thought WAIT A MINUTE, that can’t be the worse because we’re “All” going to die sooner or later.

Oddly enough, the dying part didn’t disturb me as much as not knowing the WHEN or HOW.

WHEN? – My personal preferences for the WHEN is old age.

HOW? – On the HOW, in my sleep, of course and with my make up and high heels on.

Then when I came right down to it, I realized we have absolutely no control over most of it.

I think the real fear comes in because we don’t want to leave LOVED ones.  Yet someone leaves a LOVED one every single solitary day.  So not leaving is not an option.  “EVERYONE IS GOING TO DIE SOONER OR LATER”.  Sorry for that pronouncement people, but none of us gets out of this alive.

But I finally realized, for Me, the biggest fear was to die without having done the things I REALLY wanted to do, or see, or be, or experience, or have, etc., etc., etc.

I keep in touch with a band of friends from my corporate years through regular get togethers. We call ourselves the “Posse”. We always talk about all the things we want to do before we die  They like the term “Bucket List”, but I never warmed up to that expression.

I was always trying to come up with something different, something with a cheerier more upbeat tone.  I though about all the euphemisms people use to talk about dying.  Then I remembered “pushing up Daisies”.  I thought that’s it’s I’m going to call mine the DAISY List.

The Posse

 Lisa, Janet, and myself, aren’t we BEAUTIFUL?  They say “you have to BE a good friend to HAVE a good FRIEND!”

When I I came up with the Daisy List, I started to think of all the things I wanted to do before I die, TAZ or no TAZ!

Things like:

• build a successful business, maybe something like “Day Dreams in Focus”
• take trips all over the world, see Barcelona, the  Cape Verde islands, Italy.
• write a novel
• attend my Grandson’s wedding, (yeah)
• new “great” grandchildren.
• attend a Book Festival in DC or Arizona or Texas
• learn how to swim, “AGAIN” so I can do a cannonball. *
• spend a day at a water park and go on all the rides
• take a road trip with my daughter, son, and grandson
• buy a waterfront summer home
• attend a Cirque de Soleil performance
• take a River Cruise
• take a sculpture class
• attend a play in NYC “every quarter”
• maybe even fall in LOVE AGAIN!!!!

WHEW !

 *I have this thing about learning how to swim so I can do a Cannonball! J   I knew how to swim as a child, then I grew up and all of a sudden I couldn’t swim.  (What’s with that)?

And in that moment, the DAISY LIST (aka Bucket List) was conceived.

While I was still in the car on my trip back home, I called my BMF to tell him my idea about the Daisy List.  I was so excited, I did most of the talking (nothing new there) and probably talked for about 2 hours.

When I asked him why he was so quiet, he said, WOW, you just found out about TAZ, and you’re already onto your next project.  You certainly are the “Come Back Kid”!  He’s so sweet, made me feel good.  On top of that he thought the Daisy List was a fantastic idea.

Once I got to Mass and had to tell my family about TAZ, naturally everyone had the same reaction.  First shock, then sadness, then all they wanted to talk about was TAZ.  But I would immediately change the subject and start talking to them about my DAISY list.  Please folks, no fear, no sadness, just talk about a positive future.

Now it’s important for me to make something clear here.  Even though this was MY experience, and MY story, I have many friends and relatives that have had to deal with TAZ on a very different level.  Each and every experience is different for everyone.

I in no way want to diminish or minimize anyone else’s pain, depression, suffering or horrific experiences.

I’m just trying to express how I wanted to handle MY Journey.

As a matter of fact, one of my Posse friends, Janet, had been dealing with this monster and was in the process of chemo treatments for some months.  I was still in the “diagnosis stage”, so I still had the “LUXURY” of thinking HAPPY POLLYANA thoughts.  I couldn’t share my Daisy List idea with her then, but I have since.

PS – Janet is now fully recovered and back to her full life.

While talking about the DAISY LIST, I realized there were hundreds of thousands of men, women and children that were or had experienced similar issues.  That’s when I came up with the idea of a BLOG.  At the time, I thought it was such an original idea.  I had no idea there were a Gazillion BLOGS out there.  I’m actually glad I didn’t know because no way would I have started one.

In addition to keeping my family posted, I wanted my BLOG to address some very specific things.

–  to chronicle my experience in hopes it might help someone else, even in a tiny way, even if all it did was to make them laugh or at least smile.

–  to start a platform for others to share their experiences and be able to share some of the humor of it all.  I know that sounds crazy, but there ARE humorous things that happen on this Journey, and laughter is healing.

–  make it a discussion platform not just for TAZ patients but for anyone dealing with a personal TSUNAMI!

–  a BLOG with some DO’s and Don’t’s to help friends of loved ones deal with this type of Journey.

DAISY LIST & DAISY BLOG, here we come!

 Although my Journey has been a success so far, as most of us know you’re never completely out of the woods, but I’m not resigned to living with a shadow.  I’m moving on.

The one constant I hear from everyone that has been a member of this “exclusive club” is about their strong desire to give back to every other person on this planet dealing with TAZ or any other “personal tsunami”.

I also feel compelled to give back in anyway I can and this BLOG is only the beginning.

I invite anyone either on or beginning a TAZ Journey to share their experience and I will make every effort to share as much as I can on this BLOG.

I want to encourage others to start their own BLOGs, because we never know how just one comment, one sentence, or just one word might help to encourage another human being through a dark hour.

At the beginning of this journey, I truly believed I had been handed an immediate death sentence.  Instead the exact opposite has happened, I’m learning how to live with purpose and meaning and how to live a deeper and more conscious life.

I hope you continue to read my Posts and pass on the name of this BLOG site because I intend to do some wonderful things with it, but if it only helps “1 single person”, I will be satisfied and grateful.

My current intention is to post every two weeks for now, however based on comments and activities it might be more or less, so stayed tuned.

In the meantime, “HAVE A MAGICAL DAY!”